Walang Hanggan

041116 (13)

Photo: Summer memories, 2016.


WALANG HANGGANG by QUEST

Gulong gulo ang puso
Saan ba to patungo?
Di ko alam, di ko alam

Hinarap lahat ng balakid
Pero bakit walang kapit?
Ang mga pangakong binitawan…
Di ko alam, di ko alam

Nong ika’y nilalamig ako’y umiinit
Kapag takot sa bukas akong unang sisilip
Ginawa ko nang lahat
Hindi parin sapat

Kasi ika’y mawawala na
Nawalan ng gana ang tadhana
Nanlalamig yung dating nagbabaga
Kung maibabalik lang sana…

Titiisin ko na kahit paulit-ulit
Tapos pipilitin ko na di maulit
Ang masulyapan mo yung dulo
Akala ko walang hanggan
Pero may dulo…

Bawat segundo sa aking puso iuukit
Lahat ng alaala aking iguguhit
Para makalimutan mong may dulo
Ang sabi mo walang hanggang
Pero eto tayo, sa dulo…

Kelan ka ba napaso?
Nanlalamig na ang ‘yong braso
Bakit ganyan? Bakit ganyan?
Kung pwede lang pakisagot lahat ng bakit

San galing ang galit?
Meron bang nang-aakit?
Kailangan ko lang malinawan…
Bakit ganyan? Bakit ganyan?

Handang panindigan lahat ng ating plano
Sigurado kahit di kabisado
Gagawin ko ang lahat
Walang paki kung di sapat

Kasi ika’y mawawala na
Nawalan ng gana ang tadhana
Nanlalamig yung dating nagbabaga
Kung maibabalik lang sana…

Iindahin ko ang sakit na gumuguhit
Ngingiti sa likod ng luhang pumupunit
Baka masulyapan mo yung dulo…
Kasi sabi mo walang hanggang, bat merong dulo?

Ibibigay ko ang lahat paulit-ulit
Bawat pagkakataon ay aking isusulit
Basta matalikuran mo yung dulo
Ang sabi mo walang hanggan
Bat nandito tayo, sa dulo…
SA DULO.

Wag ka munang tumalikod.
Bumalik ka muna dito
Padampi kahit anino
Ayoko mag isa dito

Wala na bang bisa aking dalangin?
Tinataboy na ba ng langit?
Nakikiusap nalang sa hangin
Ngayon wala ka na sa akin.

Bakit ba biglang meron tayong dulo?
Pangako mo walang hanggan
Bakit nandyan ka sa dulo?

Pwede bang kalimutan mong may dulo?
Handa ako sa walang hanggan
Pangako mo walang hanggan
Akala ko walang hanggan
Pero eto tayo, sa dulo.

Kung ika’y mawawala sa aking piling
Dinggin mo ang aking bilin
Lingon ka lang paminsan minsan
Dito lang ako di ako lilisan
Sa ating dulo, di ako lilisan.


OST from “Ang Kwento Nating Dalawa” film. Yung lyrics grabe. Maganda. Tagos! booom hahaha

 

JANNA DARA ;)

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Answer.

Simula nung ilang beses ka umayaw kahit dimo gusto, tapos hindi lagi ako pumapayag na matapos nalang lahat.. naisip ko “paano kung ako yung umayaw?”

Would you still do the same? Mag iinsist ka din ba na ituloy padin natin yun kahit sobrang gulo na? Or hahayaan mo nalang hanggang mawala na talaga?

And now. I guess that question of mine was answered. Somehow? Maybe?

Not that I’m expecting you to disagree the moment I said it’s done. But maybe a part of me is assuming, somehow, that you’ll insist on continuing whatever we have.

But it’s okay. This time, I kinda accepted the decision I made hours ago.. to let go. We both agree that it would be the only solution. So we can both be free from overthinking on how to solve the problems that already piled out.

But we also don’t want to accept that we already made that decision. Maybe the decision that was already there a long time ago, we’re both just waiting for a moment like what happened earlier. Just a thought.

Still in class and I’m not listening to the reporter hehe this kind of thoughts that haunts you in the most inconvenient times. Haist.

10:55am. PUP-CEA. Building Technology 5 Subject 😅

JD.

3am thoughts.

Well it’s already 3:17am, and I can’t fucking sleep.

Siguro dipa nagsisink-in sakin na wala na. Pero nakakatuwa lang na hindi ako naging OA kanina. Ni hindi nagdrama o umiyak. Hanggang ngayon parang walang lang. Walang bakas na nasaktan ako. Bago yun mga bes. Haha. Baka ngayon lang to? Hindi ko sigurado.

So magtataka siguro yung iba sa inyo, kung meron mang may pake, bakit? Anong nangyari?

Napagkasunduan. Paano? Parehas namen narealize na pareho na kaming nahihirapan masyado. Kasi sobrang gulo na ng sitwasyon. Kaya ayun. Kahit labag sa kalooban ko, umayaw nako.

Umayaw ako hindi dahil ayoko na talaga.
Umayaw ako sa part na ayoko ng masyadong nahihirapan ka kakaisip.
Umayaw ako kasi gusto kong mabawasan problema mo.
Umayaw ako kasi feeling ko yun ang dapat?
Umayaw ako kasi feeling ko dito rin talaga punta nito, sa wala.
Umayaw ako kasi feeling ko lalong lalala pag tinuloy pa.

Pero baka feeling ko lang to? Hanggang ngayon, diko padin sigurado.

Hindi ibig sabihin nito dina kita mahal. Shit yon.
Hindi ibig sabihin nito dina ko aasa. Well partly yes, partly no.
Hindi ibig sabihin nito dina kita papansinin. Hmm, let’s see.
Hindi ibig sabihin nito magiging bitter nako.. joke. Matagal na pala kong bitter.
Hanggang ngayon diko parin maset sa utak ko na “wala na”

Hindi naging tayo. At least yun, malinaw.

Pero malabo padin kasi bakit? Bakit kelangan ganito?
Pero wala na muna siguro akong magagawa sa ngayon. Hahayaan ko nalang muna.
At least kahit papano, naging masaya tayo. Walang dapat kwestyunin dun.

Sa dami ng naging problema, nawala na yung dating tayo. Hindi ko na nga ata kilala yung dalwang taong nagsimula ng kaisipang “tayo”. Nawala na sila. Baka hindi na sila bumalik pa.

Hindi ko alam kung paano na kita patutunguhan ngayon. Eto sigurado ko dito. Pero:

May bestfriend padin ba ako?

Meron pa, sigurado. Pero hindi na ikaw yun. I mean, hindi kana siguro isa sa kanila? Hindi na ikaw yung kasama kong mag foodtrip sa nigh market? Hindi na ikaw yung kasama kong sumimba sa 6am mass? Hindi na ikaw yung kasama kong mag breakfast sa McDo? Hindi na ikaw yung kasama kong manood ng night sky? Hindi na ikaw yung kasama kong magsayang ng oras sa Rob? Hindi na ikaw yung kausap at katext at kachat ko hanggang madaling araw? Hindi na ikaw yung kasama kong tumambay maghapon sa bahay? Hindi na ikaw yung kasama kong gawin lahat yan tuwing bakasyon.

Shit.

Malaking adjustment ata to mga bes hahaha goodluck.

Pero masaya ako kase sa desisyon kong yun kanina, nabawasan na yung problema mo.

Salamat :)

#Panget kapa din boy.

Jd.

Source: Betsin-artparasites|Facebook

Sapul na sapul mga bes haha. Ilang beses ko pinaulit-ulit basahin para sa feels. Nakakatuwang malaman na madame palang nakakaranas ng ganitong kadramahan sa buhay pag-ibig. Cheers! 🍻
Jeydie.

Jon Snow

Season 5 ✔😏 sad ending tho. But I must admit, he is still such a pretty boy, even when he’s already dying 😍

Rare for me to like actors, but Kit Harrington… really. The hair and stares. Hehe 💞

Excited to watch Season 6. Finally! Better late than never?

2:14am. 9am class later. Very nice.

JD 😋

Masaya at malungkot.

Nagiinternet lang ako ngayon, kakatapos lang manood ng Game of Thrones. Bigla kong naisip yung summer naten dito sa Manila. Di ko alam kung bakit. Kung bakit sa dinami-rami ng pwede kong maalala, yun pa. Hindi sa ayoko ng maalala lahat. Hindi sa gusto ko ng makalimutan. Siguro oo. Makalimot kahit ngayon lang.

Pero sige, ikekwento ko sa kanila ngayon yung masasayang alaala natin nung summer.

Hindi nako umaasa na magkakasama tayo sa Manila. Sabe mo kase hindi na tuloy yung summer class nyo. Pero naiba bigla. Isa sa mga pagkakataong naisip kong sumang-ayon ang tadhana para saten. Korni? Yaan mo na.

Unang gabi palang naten, sobrang saya na. Biglaan pa yon. Di mo naman kasi sinabi na nakaluwas na pala kayo. Nalaman ko nalang nasa Dapitan na kayo. Akala ko joke time. Kaya mo pala tinatanong kung malapit lang samen. Nagkita tayo. Pumuntang SM. Kumain. Nagkwentuhan. Nagtawanan. Masaya. Masayang masaya.

Nagsimula na yung OJT ko, kasabay ng first day of summer classes nyo. Buong akala ko tuwing weekends lang tayo magkikita. Syempre gabi nako makakauwi galing office. Syempre pagod tayo parehas sa buong araw na mga ginagawa. Pero siguro nga, BDO tayo: we find ways. Korni nanaman? Bakit ba. Naging every night routine natin ang sunduin mo ko sa LRT station. Kakain tayo ng dinner sa McDo, pero after ilang days at weeks, sa carienderia nalang. Tapos magkekwentuhan ng ilang oras. Tipong napaka aga pa. Walang pakelam sa oras. Tipong walang pasok ng umaga kinabukasan.

Ang maglakad papuntang St. Jude sa Mendiola. Sabay magdadasal. Maglakad pauwi. Parehas ayaw pa umuwi pero kelangan. Mga lulong sa oras pag magkasama na. Masaya.

Pagkauwi, magkakatext pa or chat or magkakausap padin sa phone. Magpupuyat padin.

Pagkagising ko, tulog ka pa. Nakarating nako sa office or kahit nasa byahe palang ako, saka palang kita gigisingin sa tawag. Kahit nasa ‘trabaho’ nako, kahit nasa klase kana, magkachat padin or magkatext. Minsan sabay pa. Normal naman yun satin e, magkaiba pa yung topic sa chat at sa text syempre.

Parehas excited maguwian. Lalo nako, kung pwede ko lang takbuhin ang Antipolo hanggang Legarda. Ginawa ko na. Tapos mauunahan padin kita makarating don. Ganon ka magsundo, ako padin yung maghihintay, nakakatawa lang. Pero ok lang. Some time to chill and watch people walk by. Pagkadating mo sa station di rin agad tayo aalis, andon lang, nakaupo lang. Nanonood sa mga dumadaan. Saka palang aalis.

Yung weekend gala naten. Luneta Park. Quiapo. SM Sta. Mesa. St. Jude. Malacañang. San Sebastian Church. 9 different McDo branches. España. Welcome Rotonda. Bustillos. San pa nga ba. Medyo madame din pala tayong napuntahan no. Puro mcdo haha. Puro lakad. Nagiging walking distance yung hindi dapat.

Yung aabutin tayo ng ilang oras sa mcdo nagtatawanan. Nagiintay umalis sa mga nasa gusto nating pwesto. Nanonood ng HIMYM habang halos lahat ng customers e mga estudyanteng nagaaral. Sus.

Yung maglalakad tayo sa España kahit gabi na. Kung ano ano pinaguusapan.

Madami din namang masayang nangyare nung summer. Mga moments na di natin parehas inakala e magkakaron tayo.

Kung may masaya, syempre may malungkot din. Ganun talaga.

Biglang nagbago lahat. Ayoko ng alalahin masyado. Pero nakakalungkot isipin na yung mga lugar na napuno ng masasayang alaala e tipong nabura dahil sa malulungkot na karanasan. Pinaka diko makakalimutan yung gabing nasa Mcdo tayo sa PNoval. Alam mo nayon. Yung paglalakad naten sa gilid ng UST… ng hindi naguusap. Siguro mga ilang salita lang. Akala ko talaga yun nayung katapusan ng lahat. Hahaha ramdam ko e. Ang bigat. Pero hindi pa pala. Mabuti naman.

Ngayon, naisip ko na sana, sana mapuntahan ulit natin yung mga lugar na napahidan ng malulungkot na alaala, para bigyan ng mga bagong masasayang alaala. Naisip ko lang naman. Hindi ko alam kung magiging posible pa nga ba.

Pwede ko namang wag nalang puntahan yung mga lugar nayon. Pero hindi e. Mapupuntahan at mapupuntahan ko padin. At wala akong ibang maaalala kundi ang mga oras na kasama kitang naglalakad at nagsasaya sa mga lugar nayon.

Mabuti nalang din palang lumipat nako ng tirahan. Kahit papano diko na naaalala yung nilalakaran natin lagi pag hinahatid mo ko pauwi. Hindi ko na kelangan maalala na minsan akong may kasamang maglakad don. Ang drama ba? Yaan mo na.

Sa lahat ng masaya at malungkot na nangyare. Sa lahat ng tawa at away. Sa lahat ng nangyare nung summer. Yun ang pinakamasaya, pero yun din ang pinakamalungkot at masakit. Sana dina maulit.

Ayan na.

Nasabi ko na. Kung may mga kaibigan man akong makakabasa nito. Alam nyo na. Hindi nako masyado nagkwekwento ngayon e. Sorry naman.

Umaga nanaman. Tama na ang kadramahang ito.
Jeydehhh 😀

Sabi ko mahal kita, sinagot mo “…” tatlong tuldok. Tatlong tuldok para mapanatag ako at masiguradong mahal mo padin ako.

Wag ka mag-alala, naiintindihan kita. Naiintindihan kong naguguluhan ka. Alam ko, kasi kahit ako naguguluhan din.

Iintayin ko yung araw at pagkakataon na kaya mo na ulit sabihin at ipadama sakin, na mahal mo ko, na mahal mo padin ako.

Mag iintay ako.
Jeydie…

Like Crazy

I just finished watching “Like Crazy” movie minutes ago. And now I’m already lying on my bed, still awake. Although I have 8am class later. So the movie is about a couple who’s in a long distance relationship. They supposedly be only apart for 2 months, summer. But the girl decided not to come back in UK for the summer amidst the fact that it’s a violation for her visa. Their currently in LA. Classmates in college for one subject. She made the decision the morning before she left. Reason for staying? So they can be together the whole summer doing nothing. And they did. The girl went home for a wedding event *if not mistaken*. She’ll be home for 7 days. When she’s already back to LA, the Customs won’t allow her to leave the airport, because of the violation. So she’ll be sent back to UK and she’ll be banned for having another visa.

They went on having a long distance relationship. But just like the ones in the same situation, shit happens. Communication problems. Getting busy and all. Until the guy had another girl. Yea that sucks. Temptation got him. He and his new girl were happy together at his apartment. While the real girl is busy at her work in UK. Oh, boys. Psh. So the girl ask her guy to come over to UK, so he did. In less than an hour, they’re together. And it seems like nothing’s changed. For the guy, it’s like his not cheating. Ugh. Days went on and they both realized that things aren’t the same for the both of them. That there is a problem. They talk it out. Then the guy needs to go back to LA.

Just like before they need to pull off that long distance relationship thingy. Until they decided to get married, while they both know that things aren’t all smooth. Pft. Since the guy isn’t really from UK, days after the wedding, he went back to LA again. So much for being apart from each other. The guy still managed to be with his new girl. And this time, the girl also has someone going on with, a neighbor. So they’re basically both cheating at each other.

The girl’s visa was finally approved. So she gave up her good job and apartment in UK to went back to LA and start again with her husband. But still, they both know there’s a problem between them. And the last scene was when they were in the shower. What an ending right?

Well, I loved the movie. Because I can relate to it. First. When the guy had another girl. It’s not stated clearly in the movie if they’re in a relationship or what, but the thing is, that’s one of the all-time disease of boys. They can’t manage to resist temptation especially when there is a problem going on with their girl. Maybe they just needed someone to be there when their girl is ignoring them. Or maybe someone to be with when their not with their girl? Fuck it. Once a connection starts for you and your new girl, big shit is going to happen if you don’t step yourself out of it. If you let yourself get attached to that person, you’ll find a hard time getting unattached. You’ll have this thinking that you need that person, that she’s handy when your girl ignores you or started to act like a bitch. Oh please. Stop it. Not helping, really.

Second. Communication. I get the part wherein the girl gets busy, reason for not being able to catch up with his guy. It’s a struggle you know. When there’s just so much to tell but time don’t please it so you’ll just let it pass and talk to him for several minutes only.

Third. Unresolved issues. They both go on with their relationship even if they both know there’s so much fixing to be done. That will be a cause of a big fight. Been there. And up to now, we’re trying to fix it blindly. Not knowing the solution. But still struggling to fix it. Weird right? If there’s a problem, talk about it and try to resolve it, right away. Don’t let it pass for a long time. Believe me.

Fourth. Decisions. A very important part of relationship. You should think carefully before making one. Think of the consequences.

This movie made me realize things. If your partner made a mistake, don’t make the same mistake. You’ll make a bigger problem. That’s a no-no. If you’re in a relationship, whether it’s official or not, like MU thingy, be loyal. Think what would you feel if it’s done to you. Being cheated. I once read a quote that says if you try to hide it from your partner, it’s called cheating already. Specially for girls, we are sensitive. So sensitive. When we found out our guy is having a great bond with another girl, that would shake the hell out of us. That would make us paranoid. Even if you tell us “she’s just a friend” oh fuck it. That line sucks. Even if you tell us she have a boyfriend, that won’t be a reason. I know girls would understand me at this part. I’m just saying.

I’m thinking what should be the ending of that movie. It’s obvious that they still have feelings for each other. It’s either they break up and end up with their new lovers. Or they continue their relationship while fixing their problems together. I don’t know.

3:59am i need to sleep haha

Jeydie 💤

Unavoided

An hour ago, a good friend of mine suddenly asked me how “we” were, during a conversation wherein the ‘how are you’ lines were answered. For a moment, I asked myself “Kamusta na nga ba kame?” I said we’re doing fine, somehow. So much had happened during summer. Most of it sucks. The worst so far. Then she asked again, ‘Ano naman pinagaawayan niyo?’ And again, I asked myself “teka, ano nga ba?” So I shared whatever I remembered was the reason of some fights we had.

While typing the reply, somehow, the feelings and emotions I had during the fights came back. My anger. My curiousity. My numbness. My stupidity. And more. But I can’t stop typing, for she is a special friend for the both of us. Although we’ve not been having constant communication now like before, we’re still friends. So after typing, I continued watching Game of Thrones while waiting for her reply.

She’s still at the hospital rn, I guess. Hope she’ll be well soon.

But here’s the thing kids, even if you thought you get over something, when a reminiscing happens, all the shit just comes back. For some it would be just for a moment. For some it would haunt them for days and nights. For some it would literally be their nightmare. I don’t know which am I. But I hate it everytime I need to tell the story again and again. Thinking that if something bad happens to me, I would voluntarily share it to my real friends at once, like a group message or group chat. So I wouldn’t have to remember every f*cking detail of it over and over again.

I guess I’m not the only one experiencing this, right? It’s like going back to your childhood days when you smell the scent of your childhood perfume. Or remembering the dramatic scene from a movie when you heard it’s soundtrack play.

Remembering things you don’t want to remember, it’s unavoidable. Well, at least for me, don’t know about you. So yea.

PS. Ang gwapo talaga ni Jon Snow omg 😍 hangover pa be sorry na. Oki.

Jeydie ☺